Saturday, January 1, 2011

Just thought I'd check in long enough to let all my many follower(s) [hah!] know I do indeed remember that I have a blog. For some reason, I don't seem too involved with it lately. I think it may be because my Mom takes a lot of time. That's my current excuse. She does need a lot of looking after, but the real reason is my life is out of control....seriously! I can't believe how much time it takes getting not very much done. Another factor is that every time I try to write I either have nothing worth saying, no energy to say it, or I keep making the mistake of re-reading my last blog written after my Dad died. It's hard to focus while weeping,I've discovered. But I finally achieved it even though I still have nothing to say. Anyway, I'm back....sort of. It's hard to blog when you have no internet access. But at least now I have a notebook so I can at least go to the library or a coffee shop and log on. Which is about the only thing it's safe to do online when you have to use a public access point. It may well keep my credit card a bit healthier since I can't shop on a public network. Sounding a little bitter, aren't I? On that note, I was getting ready to order a book at when I realized someone had hijacked my identity to buy 2 wide angle camera lenses at $1,749.95 a piece. Oh, and have them shipped to a business address with overnight delivery. In a city I have never even visited. Fortunately I have stinky credit and they couldn't possibly have gotten the credit card on my credit history (could they? Better check that out!) Never the less, Amazon canceled my account because of it, so that will keep me from spending too. In a convoluted way, it's a good thing I have sucky credit, right?

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Leader of the Band

I lost My Dad on February 14 and I'm still grieving; in fact I'm not altogether certain I'll ever be through grieving. I miss him in many ways, some of which surprise me. I miss his big bright smile and how he always gave you his full attention the minute he saw you, even in his last few days. Sometimes he didn't recognize me but he was still happy to see me. I sorely miss his big bear hugs and how he would drape his (once) strong arm across my shoulder and that saucy wink, as if we shared a secret joke no one else would understand. I miss his low chuckle when he found life's twists and turns amusing, his sage bits of "horse sense" he dispensed, his wry sense of humor. But I was surprised to find that I felt ungrounded, as if I had suddenly lost my footing and might just float right off the earth. He was my rock and I knew I would feel his loss deeply...I just wasn't prepared to feel like a helpless child and an old tired woman at the same time. We knew he was going to go away from us in bits and pieces because of the Alzheimers. We could see his other illnesses and old age catching up to him,so it was no surprise that it happened. But my Mother was right when she said that no matter how prepared you think you are, you're never really ready to have to let go of somone you love who is part of your very being. I actually believed I heard him talking to me a few days after he passed. I was so used to carrying on a back and forth conversation with him all during the day, that I actually turned around to say "what was that you were saying,Dad"? Fortunately,no one else was within earshot. I grinned ruefully as I realized I would carry him every where I went even if I couldn't see him or talk to him. And that, if he could have seen me at last moment, he would have poked me in the ribs and teased me about it, saying" better watch that talkin' to yourself, it'll getcha in trouble".He was with me at that moment.
Dad was famous for his coffee..not necessarily in a good way. Mom liked it, which was the way it should be after that many years together. It was more like brown water to me but I drank it with him every day, none the less. The day after he died, I made the coffee and drank it...more as a tribute to our daily ritual than any desire to actually drink it. He was with me then, too. I know he is with my son every day as he tries to fill his Dandad's big shoes and be his own family's rock. He was with us when my daughters and I were remembering the funny and the not-so-funny memories we have of rained out camping trips, family gatherings, the life lessons he taught us and the many little things that remind us of him. He is with his grand children and his great-grandchildren, because he was such a part of thier lives. Yesterday, my daughter in law and I were out planning the garden and exclaiming over every bit of new spring green showing, and he was there with us, telling us how to lay out the rows. I can hear him giving me a hard time about not being able to make a straight row if my life depended on he ribbed me every year.
I know he is at peace now, sleeping in Jehovah's memory until it's time for him to come back to life. He's not really here. But my heart still hears him. Every time I go to check on the chickens. Every time I go look at the new calf, born just a few days before he left us. Every time I see a "red sky at night" sunset. A peace rose. The breeze blowing the nectarine blossoms off the tree that bloomed too soon every year. He was tied to the land; it meant everything to him. His acre of paradise. He gave me that gift, that connection to the land, to green and growing things that feed my soul. I hope I also inherit his peace, generosity and sense of loyalty. I know he handed down to me his commitment to family and enduring love and his way of deeply savoring the simple joys of living; the treasuring of special moments with loved ones. If our Family is a band, he was the leader of it. His blood runs through all of us,and I for one hope I can do him proud.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Coming Up for Air

I've been so swamped with caring for my elderly Parents lately, I really haven't had time to even come up for air. So I have been horrible about keeping up with this blog. Forget the saying "It takes a village to raise a child"; when your'e caring for housebound, non-driving Parents, it takes a village to keep up with Dr. appointments, shopping, cooking, and being their emotional support and link to the outside world. Oh, and trying sooo hard to not make them feel like a burden. They aren't of course; I'm happy to do all I can. Unfortunately, I can't take away their physical pain, and I do what I can to ease the emotional hurting, it's just really hard to see the people who were my rock, my port in the storm, so beaten up and worn down by the bodies that now betray them. Thankfully, blessedly, I have a"village" to help. To my children (this includes in-laws), who consistently help out when I can't be there, there aren't words to say how very much I appreciate them. Thank you just doesn't begin to cover it. I absolutely if it weren't for them. To friends and neighbors who have "checked in" on them, I am in your debt.
Even though I had my flu shot, I seem to have caught a light case anyway and now have to stay away from Mom and Dad so I don't share it with them. But I still worry, still keep tabs on them and miss them. I'll be up and around soon, I'm sure. Just can't risk either of them getting it and ending up in the hospital again. The upside of it is I have a minute to catch up here, and I have more time to knit. DH is sick too, so that takes up some time,cause everybody knows he doesn't do "sick" well. It's just not.......well, it's not pretty. And when we're both sick at the same time? Ouch! 'Cause I don't do "patient" well when I'm sick. Okay,okay I don't do it well when I'm healthy either. Anyway, because I've had this enforced time off,I've gotten the shrug I'm working on mostly done. I just have a bit more ribbing and sew up the seams and it'll be finished. I'm kind of jazzed about it and nervous at the same time. See, I'm trading it for a painting of one of my favorite spots on the coast, Cape Blanco. and I really want it to please my artist friend. I also have a pair of leg warmers almost done for one grandaughter, and have two more hats and a snood (more grandaughters)to finish, a baby afghan, a couple of scarves, 2 football team hats in the qeue, and a whole list of want to's for when I have more spare time. As If! G'nite!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

What's up?

Geez! I swear the weather here has totally freaked out. Today it's back in the 90's (ok-that part is normal) but what's with the compulsive flip-flopping? It's SUMMER for crying out loud...ACT like it would ya? I'm tired of having a storage bin full of winter clothes at the foot of my bed, for days (for days/and/or nights) when it's freezing. And I know my garden is tired of it! It's doing ok in spite of it though. The okra is finally starting to take off and the swiss chard is threatening to take over. This is the first year I've still had peas and favas going this late in the season. They usually are fried by now, which is convenient since I need the space for summer veggies. DH pulled up all but one of the brussels sprouts and that one is going tomorrow(aphids are getting to it anyway) and the shallots and garlic should be ready soon, so that will free up some room. Unfortunately there won't be enough season left to grow all the things I usually grow. Oh well, there's always next year.
On another note, I did indeed have to give up on the cashmere/silk sweater (sigh) I guess I got a little too ambitous. That was way too ambitous an undertaking for me. So, on to the 100% silk dk! I'm fairly busy, between taking Mom to the various dr. appointments and house sitting, babysitting, and bum sitting (sitting in front of the computer) but I'll find the time for silk!.And I have some serious weeding to do as well.Gonna try to go to the grower's market tomorrow and I have meeting tonight, so c u later.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Just got back from a couple of weeks in Bend and haven't really gotten used to being home again. But I'm getting there. I've been raveling sweaters to reclaim the yarn and I had to stop because my eyes refused to focus anymore. I got two of them done, with help from my also-fiber-addicted daughter (thanks hon) but I'm afraid the one I'm working on now might have to be given a decent burial before all is said and done. It's a mohair/silk /wool blend and is incredibly fine gauge. i finally got all the embroidery and beads off,but the stitches are so tiny and tight I can't see where to snip threads to separate the pieces. So far I have 380 grams of laceweight gray cotton and 277 grams of lacewight turquoise cotton in hanks drying on the rack. Not too shabby, considering how little the sweaters cost. I bought two in Bend; one was $4 and one was half price at $1.50. Then, I bought two more at goodwill when I got back home. The aforementioned mohair/silk that I probably won't ever get done, and a beautiful, richly colored 100% silk DK. Can't wait to get to that one.
On a totally different topic, Wow! I can't believe how freakishly cold it is today. I actually had to put on a jacket....INside the house! It's raining too. Almost unheard of this late in the season, at least in southern Oregon. I think I'm going to go into a mini-hibernation now. I'm gonna go fix a cup Earl Gray and go to bed. Oh, and wear socks to bed. Nitey-nite.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Its hot,hot,hot!

Man, Oregon weather can be a booger! 3 days ago I was freezin' and now I have a sunburn. It cooled down to a breezy 91 today. Yesterday I went to nap and woke up in August. Whew! It'd be great if we had a week or two to get revved up for summer. Still, it is nice not to be cold and wet.....Oh who am I kidding? I wouldn't be happy if the moon was, indeed, made of cheese. Maybe if it was dark chocolate?? I think it's safe to say the baking binges are over for the time being.
Since it was so hot, I left the slider open in the bedroom, and even though the screen was shut, I ended up with three soldier beetles and a very thirsty mosquito flying around. The soldier beetles must have found their way back out,or are hiding until I go to sleep, but the bloodsucker isn't going to be draining anyone else. I will, however, need to wash the wall.
On the up side, my yard is in full bloom. The winter daphne and tulips are done of course, but all the columbine is blooming and the carnations, rhodies, iris, coral bells (thanks Melanie), calendula, candytuft,and periwinkle as well. I think I probably lost all the cherries to frost AGAIN, but the fava beans and peas look good. We have to have broccoli tonight because it's starting to bloom, and the lettuce is already bolting. We just put in tomatoes, squash and artichokes; cukes, okra, and pole beans go in tomorrow. The sorrel is seeding up and the radishes are ready. The swiss chard is going bonkers and the basil loves the heat. I have two handfuls of currants this year (last year only one). We have the all-time favorite sungold tomatoes (got my first blossom!), a couple of heirlooms-cherokee purple and brandywine, and the cantaloupe plant that never died from last summer. It's a mystery how it survived. And I need to transplant the grapevine. Gosh, I'm a busy girl! Better get back at it.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Bakin' away again in sourdoughville

After an incredibly long hiatus my oven is back! I've since been on a baking binge-just making up for lost time. Bread, casseroles, cookies with the g-kids, and the latest, my Aunt Monica's sherry cake. I can't say it was only nostalgia that compelled me to bake it. It was definitely a factor (loved Aunt Monica..also loved the cake.) But it was also because the sherry bottle was in the middle of the floor and every time I had to step over it, I was reminded of how incredible those cakes are! I was using it to hold a cone of yarn still while I crocheted and being naturally lazy, I left it there until I couldn't hold back the yearning anymore. Since there's only DH and me in the house, we've had cake for dessert for the entire week. Now I've been pretty good about not eating sweets lately, trying to keep my blood sugar under control. But not this week. It's physically impossible for me to resist this particular cake. If you've ever had it, you're drooling right now, so you know of what I speak. If you haven't, well ....I'm so sorry for you!
I never wanted the glaze some people put on it, so that helped with the sugar content. To me, it's practically a sin to corrupt anything so delectable by putting a syrupy glaze on it. That part wasn't hard to resist at all...but the lightly sweet, rich nutmeggy perfection? I sooo lost that battle! Come to think of it, I believe I hear the siren song calling to me right this second.....yup, that's the song! I'm off to serve up the last two slices. I've earned it, sweating all day planting the garden. And then I'll start a new crochet project...just not one that needs a sherry bottle to hold it still, lol. TTFN